The list of shit to be insecure about is all-encompassing and sometimes surprising. While body hang-ups usually center around ‘macro’ beauty ideals like weight, body shape and perceived facial imperfections my longstanding issue has always been with … my hands. Yes, it’s not the most hard-hitting and bandwagon-y relatable body issue to have, but it’s mine and I’m willing to throw hands with anyone who thinks its okay to say who gets to be insecure about what. Micro beauty ideals exist, and they matter. Safe to say we are just waking up to how the only perfect in pictures world we live in encompasses and births body hang-ups of all types.
High-key didn’t want to post these because of my hands (even though I’m feeling fly af here).
So this is me owning my own body issue, getting hands-on with my hang-up so to speak, and hoping that doing so allows and assists you in overcoming whatever yours is. While my relationship with my body (weight and shape) is becoming healthier, the one with my hands is one I haven’t ever addressed out loud, or even to myself ’til now. The thing about my hands is … they’re small (which I could deal with, and am quite okay with), but the other thing (which I’m not okay with, and just have to deal with) is : they’re really veiny. Small and veiny means the idea of the long, elegant, slim fingered hand is a sore spot for me. It’s an issue of mine I’ve tried to address and accept in vein (okay last pun I promise). As a model, it’s especially hard to ignore because well, hands are really important and necessary parts of your body so they’re hard to leave out and crop out of photos. I’ve tried.
Polaroids for Ice Genetics by Mark Le Grange.
And it’s not all in my head. I’ve had photographers point out and laugh because my hands ‘look weird’ in a shot, I’ve had hand models replace mine in adverts, and literally sometimes I feel like they’re in the way because I don’t know what to do with them in photos. Before shots I’ve even taken to raising my arms above my heart so that the appearance of my veins are less. When they’re especially veiny I try to hide them in my pockets. It’s got to the point where I envy other women’s more ‘feminine’ hands. Because ultimately that’s the issue. Veiny hands are a man thing. And a male beauty ideal too. If I were a man, photographers and clients- and even I -would be salivating all over these mini arteries as a sign of low body fat and an active lifestyle. I’d be throwing hand signs and holding things in photos all day, son.
But alas, I was bestowed with the hands I am typing this with. These hands that have done quite a lot for me. These hands that tell my story. These hands that I’ve high-fived, fist-bumped, clutched things, held other hands tightly, covered my face, put makeup on, made meals and illustrated conversations with. Plus more. I’m done trying to hide them. And today I’d like to put up a figurative small, veiny middle finger to the idea of the perfect non-veiny lady hand. The idea of posting a photo of my hands just yesterday would have made them sweaty and clammy, but today I am doing so because: these are mine and they are just fine. And if you think otherwise you’re most welcome to talk to the… hand (yes I went there, sorry not sorry). ✌