By now, you know that you deserve good sex, and now that you know that and are (hopefully) asking for it, it’s time to ask yourself: are you giving as good as you get? It’s one thing to expect good luvin‘, but let us also take a moment to make sure we are good luverrrs.
In the name of this righteous cause, I’ve compiled 7 Sex Sins based on The 7 Deadly Sins, as identified by Pope Gregory 1 in the late sixth century. This list is well known as a basis on how to be a good person, and lead a good life. It’s a pretty good guideline of what not to do, and how to be better at what you do in bed, too. So without further ado (heh heh), here are 7 Sex Sins:
1. Pride
Definition: the quality of being proud: inordinate self-esteem, conceit.
No, we’re not talking about being proud of your sexual prowess. If you’re serving orgasms like it’s 2 for 1, good on you boo. We mean being too proud to try new things, or touchy or defensive when it comes to communicating or receiving feedback about sex. Cuz how can we have better sex if we can’t talk about it openly?
If the idea of introducing sex toys makes you feel less worthy, or you shut down everytime your partner suggests your lovin’ was anything less than um *orgasmic*, you could be guilty of this sin. Tbh, who hasn’t taken something a little too personally?
Be better: Humility and self-worth go a long way. We are always learning and being better in bed doesn’t mean we’re not already good enough.
2. Greed
Definition: a selfish and excessive desire for more of something.
This one’s a no brainer. A selfish lover is just no fun. You’re not just letting your partner down, you’re missing out on the sense of satisfaction and achievement that comes with getting someone else off. Which can sometimes be even better than arriving at your own destination. (I said sometimes)
If it’s always about you, it’s time to explore what more you can do (that wasn’t meant to rhyme but it did, and I’m OK with that).
Be better: Practice generosity and you’ll see there’s plenty time to get to the finish line. Start by giving what you get, and asking your partner what they’d like for once.
3. Gluttony
Definition: excessive indulgence.
If your sex life is essentially a competition (in which you are competing against, um, yourself) you are hereby guilty of this sex sin, and the power of shame should compel you to stop being an asshole.
Leaving heartbreak in your wake and using people for self-fulfilment is just shitty behaviour, really, that will sooner or later catch up to you. It’s time to get on your knees. And pray for forgiveness.
Be better: Greed is usually inspired by a lack of self-control and contentment with our own lives. If your ways are coming back to bite you in the ass (and not in a kinky way), you need to ask yourself the why of what you’re doing and what you’re really after, then amend your ways and resolve to love yourself (literally and figuratively). Because you do deserve good lovin’, but not at anyone else’s (or your own) expense.
4. Lust
Definition: intense or unbridled (sexual) desire, lasciviousness.
First off, can we take a moment to appreciate the word ‘lasciviousness’. What a sexy word. Truth is, we’re all guilty of lust- that’s why you’re here. I’m not here to shame you for being your freaky self (and I mean that in the best possible way) but I’m talking about lovemaking.
I’m talking: intimacy. What’s the difference, you say? “When you’re having sex, your primary motivation may be to get off and have an orgasm”, explains writer Anjali Sareen Nowakowski. “When making love… the primary motivation is to connect on an emotional level with your partner”.
Yes, you’ve been burnt but closing yourself off to the element of loving sex means you’re really missing out. Luxury sex toy brand, LELO, predicts “there is a shift towards focusing on deeper feelings” in 2020.
Be better: If you’re alive and mostly conscious rn (which I assume you are), I’m sure you’re aware of our generation’s tendency towards casual dating and sex (which can be incredibly empowering) but if you feel pressure to engage- or fear not only engaging- in a casual way, you’re missing out. Let the love in, baby.
5. Envy
Definition: resentfulness and a desire to possess what someone else/others have or enjoy.
Envy is not a new or scarce emotion in our current age thanks to Instagram (amirite??). But if your feed has you feeling like everyone is having much better and more frequent sex than you, it’s time to tell you that… they might be.
Idk. I’m only saying that because if, unlike you, they’re not comparing their sex lives to yours or others, they probably are having better sex because they’re too busy enjoying having sex ffs. Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and who they’re screwing (Again, that wasn’t meant to rhyme, but I’m OK with it).
Be better: Take stock of your own sex life. What do you like, what do you want more of, what do you enjoy? Now make it happen. You’ll start feeling a lot more satisfied (if you know what I mean).
6. Wrath
Definition: : strong vengeful anger or indignation.
If, like me your mind is constantly in the gutter, you’re thinking: angry sex. But no (But also, yes). In this case I’m talking about anger getting in the way of sex.
Anger at yourself for not cumming, or cumming too fast. Anger at your boo (or ex) for not making you cum, or yeah, cumming too fast. Anger or resentment at previous relationships you’re still holding onto. Past issues fucking with your mojo and messing with your mind during sex now. I mean, just for example.
Be better: All this wrath is truly getting in the way of you enjoying yourself. Work through these issues by communicating with your partner (or telling off your ex) and accepting and being patient with yourself. Don’t let it simmer or it’ll explode. And not in a sexy way.
7. Sloth
Definition: disinclination to action or labor, apathy and inactivity.
Lazy sex is great. Being lazy during sex is not.
Especially if you’re slacking because you’re in a LTR. Don’t expect your partner to do it all. Don’t be that person. Just don’t. If you’re doing it, you know you’re doing it.
So stop it.
Be better: That’s it. Be better.
If you’re guilty of any of these 7 sex sins, it’s time to repent. But don’t be too hard on yourself (or anyone that comes to mind when you’re reading through this) (because we both know someone did). We never stop learning or evolving on the stairway to our own personal sexual heaven on Earth. Here’s to doing treating our sexual partners like we would like to be done treated. Amen! ?
Gifs via Giphy.